Saturday, July 19, 2008

May the Goddess Hear me

SO i am just going to ramble which i guess is a a healthy thing to do every once in a while. so hey. I want so many things right now in my life witch i guess i could say are little gifts that i don't have them but i just so scared that i will never have them. If you have not figured out what i want is this : 1. A family, that does not judge me. 2. Some one that will truly love me. 3. Children. 4.I want the American dream i guess. the house, cars, just the dream of happiness and no divorce, growing old with some that will laugh with me as our body's fall apart..

scares me is that for that to happen i think i have to wash my hands of what i think is right and just walk away. and let what is mine or supposed to be mine to come to me. and what happens if i do that and nothing comes. Well its nice to know that my true fear is dyeing alone and the horrible part of that is that we all die alone, no matter what. IS a soul mate something stupid to wish for?


Dirty after work.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

So Whats the deal?

Well if your wondering what is going on with me to make so many changes. No idea here. just came to a point i guess where i was feeling about what i didn't do what i haven't done. What i might have missed. but what the fuck am i doing that for? I have had a great life some crappy spots but in the over all end, I'm not sick, dead, homeless or any thing like that. I can pay my way. that is good. I wish i was in love and maybe have kids soon. but that is all in the hands of fate. which i understand can be very humorous and cruel at the same time.

Now on things will be different, I want everything. I deserve everything that i can dream of. i don't need your approval in the end cuz i will be faced and judged by higher beings.

I used to become so angry so fast, now it takes a while i will feel sadness before anger now. I don't like it. not really, i understand the concept of it. safer for me.

A warning i guess for anyone who reads this. no one i think any more. but i will be falling off the radar for a few days. I won't be me when i come back.

warning you.