109

so this will be 109 in my blog so i think that is neat, but just wanted myself really to know that even thou i have a lot of crap to deal with and try and figure out. I have time. no matter what any one says. I hope to make the right one but it does not have to be right now you know.
Talked with a friend today and she told me that what ever makes me happy is what i should do. which is what i had just said to her, she is my favorite Daughter in figurative speaking. I understand her point of view but i can still feel unease about hurting people.

I would love to hear from my guides and get the message not just a fuzzy image. that would really help.

What I want.

I want A home, i want a car that works, I want a family some day, I don't want to get married, I want a good paying job, I want to be near my family, I want to like my in laws even if they live with us, I want to be able to practice my belief in my home. I want to know where my next meal and bill payment is coming from, I want to know that i have a place that is safe for my animals. I want freedom to do what i want to do, I want to be able have friends that like me for me, not what i can give them. I want the ability to sleep with who i want, cool if i have a steady but I still want that option. I want a guy who can get me off, I want a guy who is willing to try anything. I want a soul mate, I want true happiness, I want the love that makes me weak in the knees. I want the butterfly's in the tummy, I want to be 60 pounds lighter. I want to be able to cry and not feel like a piece of shit, I want to make my jewelry and make money at it. I want for the future that if i have kids that i don't have to worry about money with taking care of them. I want a father who will fight tooth and nail to help his children.

well here is my list and i guess i should start on the fact of where i am going to be doing all these things at. Here or Iowa?

Man what do i want?

sound about right.

Artistic Boobies

ok weird ness

Lets get the weird stuff out of the way first.

I re fell in love the other day. and my heart hurts cuz i can't be with him. I left now i want to be back. but that can;t happen. I wonder if he even know even thou i told him? does he take it serious? I want to ask him but i don't want to be a a weirdo girl and be all in his shit you know? what if he wants me to and i;m scared? wow i have not had a girl train of thought like this in so long. man i want to cry. fuck. and i can;t even talk to him until tomorrow. and i need sleep for the only reason that i have slept 15 hours in the past 4 days. I know he wants to be in me but does he want to be with me? I know i leave in like 6 weeks is that enough time to have this figured out? I am so confused, and crying.

is it possible that your soul was split into 3 pieces? you know the soul mate principle?

i have to stop for the fact it's starting to get hard to see the screen thru the tears.

night.