Thursday, August 30, 2007

undecided & undisclosed

When i was a young girl, I dreamed of a big wedding. All of my family would come. My "Husband's" family would not just be there but they would be my family. I am not an orphan, not by a long shot. I have so much family i don't think i have ever really met all of them. but when i think about it, I feel truly with out family. The people here in New Mexico that i thought of as family have changed so much or maybe that is me who changed and the little stuff that make people here happy no longer can keep my attention? I don't know but sense i have return to get my stuff i have been feeling numb. back to my original point then back to this point. I read once of "Don't love some one you can live with, Love the person you can't live without". I know I have some one like that. but you know what as long as they are in my life I'm good. Cuz you never leave the one you love for the one you like for the one you like will leave you for the one they love. I understand that, and with that i have come to a conclusion. I will most likely get married, and have a large brood of kids, at least 3 maybe. That is if i can even have kids. but just wanted to get that out there. Back to my feelings of loss of being here. I get looked at by friends that say "I want to be like you" or they just look of innocence. So i leave in like 20 some days, which is not long at all, but trying to get stuff done while playing the bullshit card. I really don't think any one knows I'm moving at all. I'm not quite where this is supposed to go, but just need to get it out i guess.

I wish that i could get a hug from some one who truly cares for me. And maybe a good night text at night, I'm putting that out for Ryan personally.

well if you have made it to this point you deserve a gold star or some thing. Maybe a cookie. but i don't have any right now. so i guess tough shit.

I will post later, maybe some pics?

1 comment:

Wendy said...

It took you forever to fall in line with the plans I made for you, but, finally. lol!

ha ha ha, pfffft! I knew you before you knew you? How can this be? Because I care and now I will text you goodnight every damn night, so be ready.

(I know I am now Ryan, but I'm cute)