welcome to my morning

So i wake up normally thinking about how i get a extra hour before work. Yeah for me right? Well i was wrong i got out to my truck and started it up the engine made a popping sound goodie for me! so i walk over to my in laws house to get butch. he comes out fixes the vacuum hose and yeah i think to my self. so i pull out of the drive way and head off to work. nope does not happen i get up and out of the off ramp and the engine makes this very loud and grinding sound. Aw Fuck is all i could think of and the fact of i have to walk home. so I'm about a mile away from home on the side of the interstate, I start to walk home, this truck stops "great can i meet a creepy guy today?" he ends up being a preacher for a church "OK so he is just a little creep" but i get to use his phone and call butch and he comes to get me. they both talk awhile and i thank him for his kindness. which i thought that kind of kindness was dead.

so we get to the truck and butch listens to the engine which sounds fine. i continue to tell him something is wrong. so he fallows me in his van and i drive about 300 yards and i pull off again cuz something is not right. so he has me fallow him with me in his van and him in my truck and he runs it fine. but he is doing it just to amuse me. but something is wrong. he thinks it is my transmission fluid is low, OK so we go and get more fluid and put it in, still runs funny. Its making me nervous, so he tells me to see how it runs, still jerks some and make me nervous.

so i called my mom about seeing if she thought if my grand mother would give me a loan to fix my truck or to get a new *used* truck. but she said no. that bummed me out. so some what upset about that. I want to cry because i feel like i can't find which way is forward. and i had the urge to cut myself but i have been safe for like 4 years and i don't want to back peddle now. so i am resisting that urge.

any way i might give some one a call tomorrow for a ride.

peace out and see you on the fucking flip side!!